THE GAME REVIEW =============== .a$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&$$$$$a. $$' . `$$' `$$ ' `$$' s `$$' s `$$ $' $ $$ $ $$ a a $$ $ $$ $ $$ ISSUE #11 $ $ssss$$ $ $$ $ $ $$ $ $$ $ssss$$ $ o o$ $$ $ $ $$ sssss$$ssss. $$ 01/21/96 $. $ $$ $ $$ $ $ $$ $ $$ $ $$ $$. $ ,$$ $ $$ $ $ $$. $ ,$$. $ ,$$ `$&@%o%@&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&@%o%@&$$$$&@%o%@&hd' "All the games that are fit to print." Un-Releastic: "I have never played a game I didn't like." -Stu Pid Fewl Realistic : "This game sucks!" -Ionizer ---------------------- Important announcement: The next issue of TGR will most likely be found next ---------------------- week in REALITY CHECK NETWORK (RCN ). ---------------------- The reason for this is the fact that INQ is basically ---------------------- dead and not doing anything. So check out RCN next ---------------------- week for the continued quality reviews of games! ****************************THE RESULTS ARE IN******************************* -TGR's first pole is now over, and here are the results: POLL VOTE RESULTS OF BEST GAMES RELEASE GROUP: - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Place (1=Best) | Votes Received | Group Name ----------------------------------------------------------------- #1 33 Razor/RazorCD (RCD) #2 16 Release on Ramapage (RoR) #3 8 Hybrid (HBD) #4 3 Legacy (LGC) #5 1 KiWi #6 1 Velocity (VEL) #7 1 The Unoriginal Bastards (TUB) -The kings of the scene still have the power and popularity. Right behind them was a, still a little new to the scene, up and coming group, RoR. Due to little recent HBD activity, would most likely explain the few votes for them. Surprisingly, Legacy only received 3 votes. ***************************************************************************** ============================================ HOW TO GET THIS MAGAZINE ON A REGULAR BASIS: -------------------------------------------- ("WHERE and WHEN can I GET The Game Review?" The Game Review (c) Ionizer,) (will be released every SUNDAY, in IRC, in #warez5 and other channels and) (can be obtained by /m iondcc xdcc list or /m ionizer xdcc list on Sunday) (You can now also The Game Review via the WWW @) ( http://www.aych-dee.com/tgr.html ) NOTE: THERE IS NO MAILING LIST OF ANY KIND! =========================================== - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * - * GAME REVIEWS, RATINGS, UN-BIASED OPINIONS, HELP/TIPS FOR INSTALLING GAMES! [][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][] -Rating scale: (0-19)/100 = In a nutshell, it sucked! (20-39)/100 = Still crap but slightly better. (40-49)/100 = Possibly worth downloading. (50-69)/100 = Pretty decent game. Might want to check it out. (70-79)/100 = Worth the download if you like that type. (80-89)/100 = Very good, 9 outta 10 its worth the download. (90-99)/100 = Excellent game, a MUST download. 100/100 = HOLY SHIT I'VE NEVER SEEN A BETTER GAME! -It's time for the reviews. The format is like this: Name of game, group, # of disks, review, rating. RATINGS are based on if you would have fun playing it NOW. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- -<*><*> THE GAME REVIEW <*><*>- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- =Abalon Shoot 'em up (8 Meg Vers)= Kryn, 25 disks. Yeah, I love downloading 25 fucking disks to find out I can't install it unless I know how to speak German, aich von spiezlber! (That doesn't mean anything) Would it be to hard for KRYN to fucking write in the file_id.diz that it's german, I mean would it BE TOO HARD for them to do that. RATING: NA/100 =Electronic Arts Entertainment Pak" Legacy, 10 disks. This is a compilation of some classic games. They are Kasparov's Gambit, Grand Smal Bridge II, Hong Kong Mahjong Pro, and Rampart. They all suck because they're old and ugly. Unless for some reason your looking for one of these, or have some specific interest in it, don't even bother. It's just another tactic by companies, thinking they put four games in a box, and sell it for 50 bucks and then write on the box: "Great deal! 4 GREAT Games for Only 50 dollars!" Please... RATING: 25/100 =Pinball 4000= Legacy, 1 disk. It includes 4 tables, believe it or not, for it's small 1 disk size. It has music, and sfx, and it's a pretty decent pinball game considering it's only one frigging disk, and I mean 1 disk, like you could put it on that little ugly 3 1/2 incher . Anyway, for experienced PC pinball players, you'll find that the ball move- ment is a little slow, but this is a perfect pinball game for those first timers or those slow retards. The four tables themes are: Casino, Cars, Tennis, and a "Codename X" cracker type board. RATING: 74/100 =Timegate: Knight's Chase= RoR, 15 disks. Helloooo, it's Alone in the Dark with a different name! This comes from the makers of Alone in the Dark, and it's basically the same exact thing, just a different plot. The graphics are not exactly as good as AITD, but they are very comparable. This is exactly, and I mean down the smallest details of the game engine, the same as AITD. So if you liked AITD, you'd like this. RATING: 87/100 =Superdude= Hybrid, 4 disks. Well well, look who decided to release something. How could I explain this, well, it's weird, your this "dude" who is trying to save this little town or something from an attack of robots who come out of this spider thing (you think it sounds weird, wait till you play it). It has a lot of pictures and graphics and well, it's fucking weird as hell. You defend or attack your town and the games you play involve steering out of the way of stuff, shooting things, and managing to get around and shoot (yeah at the same time, just like chewing gum and walking, you can do it!). This game is certainly something new, it's weird, it's hard to explain fully, and since it's only 4 disks, try it for yourself. I can't guarantee you like it, but I can guarantee it's something you've never seen before. RATING: 78/100 =TZ Mini Golf= V.A., 3 disks. Mmmm Shareware! Oh how I love SW! SW in the morning, SW in the evening, SW for dinner, SW for everyone, SW tonight! Um, oh right, the review, er, you only get to play the 6 of the 18 holes cuz it's SW, unless you can magically guess the serial # (or crack it). The holes are in black and white for some stupid reason, so it's a little hard to tell where the hills and bumps are, but it's a decent miniature golf game 4 win. RATING: 53/100 =Terminator SS= V.A., 1 disk. Not much to say, terminator type stuff for SS. Stuff like morphing icons, bullet holes, terminator factory, data on the parts, and don't forget the dog screen saver. Someone wanna tell me why the fuck they included a dog screen saver, all they do is run around and scratch their ass. I don't get wtf it has to do with the terminator, oh well, not really an impressive screen saver. RATING: 44/100 =The Prophecy= WPZ, 5 disks. Another adventure game to toss in the garbage. It has simple video animation of some characters when they took or do things. Their is music, but there's also this annoying beep coming out of my PC speaker. Where there is a beeping, there is a tight budget, below average game! The graphics aren't too good either. The storyline is lame, need to complete 3 tasks to get 3 grains of sand to save some dumb kingdom. Who gives a fuck about the damn kingdom, let them all die. RATING: 40/100 =Sideline Sports= Legacy, 7 disks. Unless you have some use for a football, hockey, or baseball game simulator, don't bother. This isn't something you can really have fun using, unless you're betting and making mad dough. It could be good for fantasy leagues and things of that sort. RATING: 37/100 =Immortal Klowns= , 3 disks, WIN95. I *WANT* to know WHAT FUCKING IDIOT would come up with a game like this! This has to be one of the most retarded games I've ever seen. You have two clowns in this circus environ- ment, and they fucking walk around with pies in their hands. The point? To throw the pie in the other clowns face. These stupid, little, sorry ass, drawings of a clown go around with pies and throw it in each other faces. And to add to the excitement, when you play the computer, it just walks around and doesn't even have the guts to even throw the fucking pie, so you just fucking bombard him while it follows you around watching your clown's ass wiggle and jiggle. Don't even waste your time, this is shit. RATING: 14/100 =Zone of Thunder (PREVIEW)= 4 Disks. Ummmm this must be a major beta because not only is it fucked up, but it is some weird ass that doesn't even like play right. Not even worth trying to describe it. RATING: 32/100 =Tempest 2000= RazorCD, 1 disk. Ok, well, there's no install.nfo, so here's what I did: Unzip , then ran config, then ran tempest.exe, and it said it couldn't find /audio/adlib.cfg. So I made that dir, and put the two .cfg files in the dir, then ran tempest again, and I got a nice black screen...and then they realized their mistake and released a working version. The game takes place on these poly-whatever you call it shaped playing fields in which you have this little thing you move around left and right on it. The object is to shoot the objects coming at you before they get too close and start attacking and shooting you. Doesn't take too much of a brain to play, and it's not exactly that fun, and the graphics are pretty dull, but what do you expect from a 500k game. RATING: 46/100 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- <*>GAME OF THE WEEK<*> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- -Although a slow week for games, their were a few decent releases worthy of downloading. This week's GOTW is RoR's 15 disk release of TIMEGATE: KNIGHT'S CHASE. This follow up to Alone In The Dark still contains most of the sound, but is missing the animations . The game is still playable, and exactly alike AITD. So if you enjoyed AITD, definite- ly get this one. I'm told it's possible that RoR will release add ons for this. A walkthrough would also be nice, since I seem to be stuck early on. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- <*>UPCOMING RELEASE DATES<*> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Key to system types: DCD = DOS CD WCD = Windows CD MCD = Mac. CD W95CD = Win 95 CD M3 = Mac. Disk W3 = Windows Disk W953 = Win 95 Disk D3 = DOS Disk HCD = Mac./Windows CD DATE TITLE SYS -------- ------------------------ ----- 01/29/95 Warhmmr:Horned Rat W95CD 12/28/95 Psychc Detcv DCD 01/08/96 Deep Space Nine DCD 01/09/96 Daedalus Encounter W95CD Kyrandia Trilogy DCD TTAX95 FDFN W3 01/10/96 Ganster Bundle DCD Phantasmagoria MCD 01/12/96 NFL Qback Club DCD Warhammer 40K WCD 01/15/96 Cyberia 2 DCD Elk Moon WCD Elk Moon #1 MCD H! Zone DCD Net Mech DCD Solitaire Deluxe W95CD TTAX 95 FDFN DLX WCD 01/16/96 Battlcrsr 3000 DCD X-Wing Collector MCD 01/17/96 Fast Attack D/W5C TTAX95 FN CA W3 01/20/96 AH-64D Longbow DCD Dinotopia WCD NBA Live 96 DCD Sensible Soccer DCD Top Gun DCD 01/23/96 Sport Hits 2 DCD 01/25/96 T-Mek WCD 01/26/96 Silent Hunter DCD 01/30/96 Escalation DCD Space Bucks WCD 02/01/96 Angel Devoid DCD Cry.Sys W95CD CYBERJUDAS DCD Empire II WCD Gabriel Knight 2 MCD Grand Prix 2 DCD HARVESTER DCD Heroes M&M MCD MetalLords DCD Promised Land DCD 02/01/96 Shadows Over Riva DCD Spr Bubsy/WIN95 WCD Starship DCD Terracide DCD Wing Commander 4 DCD 02/05/96 Doom II W95CD Ult Doom: Flesh W95CD 02/06/96 Nicklaus@Muirfield DCD Star Control 3 DCD 02/07/96 Chronomaster DCD 02/08/96 Pro Pinball:Web DCD 02/10/96 Madden NFL 96 DCD 02/15/96 Maximum Roadkill DCD Racing's Greatest DCD 02/16/96 A10-2:Silent Thunder W95CD 02/20/96 Ripper DCD Wooden Ships&Iron Men DCD 02/21/96 Whiplash DCD 02/25/96 Daggerfall DCD 02/26/96 Adams Pinball DCD Wizardry Gold HCD 03/01/96 Bioforge + DCD Citzns:Blckwtr Affrs DCD Civilization 2000 W95CD Confirmed Kill DCD Deathtrap Dungeon DCD Dragon's Lair II DCD Hoyles Classic MCD Indy Jones & Adv W95 Jagged H2H DCD Lost Admiral II DCD MAGIC/GATHERING DCD Master of Antares DCD Mortimer DCD MT:Earthsiege W95CD Nemesis DCD Pax Imperia DCD Police Quest 5 MCD 03/01/96 Shivers MCD Space Hulk 2 DCD St Trk Generations W95CD Super Heroes DCD 03/03/96 Mortal Kombat 3 W95CD 03/04/96 Tommy WCD 03/05/96 RBI '96 DCD 03/06/96 Rise&Rule/Anc Emp WCD 03/11/96 Hexen W95CD 03/12/96 The id Anthology DCD 03/13/96 Descent 2 DCD 03/18/96 Crystal Skull DCD 03/19/96 Hexen MCD Mission Force:Cyberstorm W95CD 03/26/96 Hammer Slammer DCD 03/27/96 VR Baseball DCD 04/01/96 Aikman Football MCD Colonization Gold DCD Klingon DCD Pinball Classics DCD Ripper MCD Sensory Overload DCD Toy Story Strybk DCD 04/10/96 NFL Football/Aikman DCD 04/16/96 VR Soccer DCD 04/24/96 Conquest/New World DCD 05/01/96 F-16 Fighting Falcon DCD Third Reich DCD 06/01/96 Chessmates MCD Northlands DCD Vision of Glory DCD 07/01/96 Jetfighter III DCD 08/01/96 Dragon Dice WCD ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- <*>CORRECTIONS<*> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- -Damn I'm perfect once again. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- <*>LEGAL MUMBO JUMBO<*> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- THIS MAGAZINE IN NO WAY WHATSOEVER, CONDONES THE PIRATING, STEALING, OR ANY OTHER ILLEGAL MEANS OF OBTAINING SOFTWARE. I AM IN NO WAY RESPONSIBILE FOR YOUR ACTIONS AS A RESULT OF READING THIS MAGAZINE, NOR HAVE I DONE ANYTHING ILLEGAL TO OBTAIN THE REVIEWED GAMES. IF YOU LIKE THE HOW THE REVIEW OF A GAME SOUNDS THEN BY ALL MEANS PURCHASE IT AND SUPPORT THE SOFTWARE COMPANY. ANY AND ALL MAGAZINE GROUPS HAVE PERMISSION TO USE THIS IN THEIR MAGAZINE, AS LONG AS IT HAS NOT BEEN EDITED IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- <*>CLOSINGS<*> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- -January is proving to be a really slow week for games. Hopefully February will pick up the slack. -REMEMBER: Look for TGR in RCN #11 Next Sunday. Whether or not TGR will be released seperately, has yet to be decided upon. -That's it for this week, hope it was of help. -Ionizer (Game Reviewer/MALiCE & Razor Courier) Comments/Complaints send to ionizer@ns2.clever.net (NO QUESTIONS OR REQUESTS) .a$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$a. $$' . `$$' `$$ ' `$$' s `$$ $' $ $$ $ $$ a a $$ $ $$ $ $ssss$$ $ $$ $ $ $$ $ $$ $ o $$ $$ $ $ $$ sssss$$ $. $ $$ $ $$ $ $ $$ $ $$ $$. $ ,$$ $ $$ $ $ $$. $ ,$$ $$&@%o%@&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&@%o%@&$$$ $$' o '$$$ $ $$' s `$$ `$$$$$ $$ $ $$$ $ $$ $ $$ $o $$$$$ $$ $ $$$ $ $$ $ $$ ~' o$$$$$ $$ $ $$$ $ $$ sssss$$ %. ^$$$$$ $$ $ $$$s s$$ $ $$ $$ $$$$$ $$. $ ,$$$$@. .@$$$. $ ,$$ $$ $$$$$ `$$&@%o%@&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&@%o%@&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$hd' Copyright 1996 Ionizer Inc. #167A939